Back to school...

Whether you're a young woman, another young woman, a slightly older young woman, or a terrifying ghost-cowboy, it's never too late to continue your education.  Government grants are available at an all-time high for popular programs such as business administration, nursing, high-noon dueling and varmint eradication.

Yo Adrian...... I'm a real-live boy!!!

Sylvester Stallone was voted into the boxing hall of fame yesterday and it brings about so many questions.  None more concerning than whether or not people have lost sight of the fact that Rocky and the subsequent sequels (or filmic shitbombs as I like to refer to them) were NOT REAL.

It's bad enough that Philadelphia erected a statue of the fictional character, which should command roughly the same amount of respect as this (how about devote your statue making to REAL people who EARNED the right to be immortalized?  Like Stalin), but now Rocky is in the boxing hall of fame?
I give it no more than 10 years until all the children of the world genuinely think Rocky was totally real, like I did for the first 23 years of my life with Kokomo (damn you and your vivid, lyrical painting Beach Boys).

Advertising Genius

If it's your job to market possibly the most unmarketable experience in the world, going to the dentist, where do you even start?  Right here, that's where:

"Do you hate the dentist?  Oh, that's cool..... you wanna get high??

DONE.

Little weird?

So there is apparently a neighborhood in Los Angeles called "Little Ethiopia," and I'd just like to be the one to pose this question: Why?
Is it because the first one is so amazing someone just thought; "I must find a way to replicate this"?
I dunno, just seems a little unnecessary to me. Anyway, I gotta run.  I'm meeting a friend for lunch in Little Detroit in 20 minutes.

Uncle Shredder?

Wow.  I don't even now what to say, but thanks to the intrepid researching/apparent free time at work of one Patrick Finnegan, I have officially been mindblown.
It turns out that veteran actor James Avery actually played not one, but two of my favorite characters of all time, and I had no idea.  Yes apparently the man who killed on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as Uncle Phil was also the voice of the Shredder, resident badass of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!  And guess what?  I don't care if you're as impressed by this as I am, because this revelation has made my month... nay my year.
This moment has officially supplanted the day I realized Mr. Feeny was the voice of Kitt from Knight Rider.
Just when I thought I couldn't love Uncle Phil any more, this happens. Thank you Gods of television (and Pat) for this wonderful gift you have bestowed upon me.

Return of the King(?)

With tonight marking LeBron James' first trip back to the town he spurned (or totally and completely heart-raped on national television, depending on who you ask), there's a lot of talk of how the city of Cleveland will react.  There is so much worry in fact, that increased security will be present at Cleveland's (historic) Quicken Loans Arena.
In honor of the event, I have come up with a little wish list of the top 5 greatest things that could possibly go down during tonight's LBJ-Cleveland reunion.  Because if any of this does happen, I want written proof that I saw it coming:

- Taking advantage of his team's night off, Boston guard Delonte West shows up courtside with a hot, and oddly familiar date.
- A man wearing this outfit sneaks into the locker room and takes a pregame dump in LeBron's sneakers.
- While LeBron shoots his free-throws they play this gem of a Simpsons clip on the jumbotron.
- When his name is announced during pregame introductions the entire arena goes completely silent, except for one guy who bellows "Diiiiiiick, dick-dick diiiiiiick."
- Just before the opening tip, Cleveland native and current Price is Right host Drew Carey runs out to midcourt and punches James square in the balls as they play this sound effect over the P.A.

Royally Awkward

So I don't know if you've caught this story yet, but check out the super-graphic engagement present from one Sir Snoop Doggy Dogg to the soon to be wed Prince William.
It's more than a little weird that Snoop was compelled to even give a gift to the royal family, but when you actually listen to the song he offered don't worry, it gets a whole lot weirder.  It's not that Snoop's heart wasn't it the right place, it's just considering that it will now be associated with a Royal Wedding the song he wrote is kind of... um... fucking filthy. Let me put it this way, I feel a little ashamed to even type some of the lyrics.
But I will say this, I can't help but wonder if as we speak the Queen Mother may be booty clapping in her royal quarters while Snoop's chorus begs of her the philosophical question: "Can you drip for me mommy?"