Thursday, September 22, 2011

10 Facts you know are true but won't admit

Recently, I've been pondering (i.e. making mental notes while sitting on the toilet) the many truths out there that the world refuses to admit exist. Thanks to worries about political correctness, public perception and embarrassment, people are afraid to acknowledge certain things as fact. Lucky for you though, hiding behind a laptop and writing for a miniscule audience has rendered me completely unafraid of any and all of these repercussions, so here they are, 10 facts you know are true but won't admit:

- You hate your kids for the dream killing, bank account draining, booger factories they are.

- Black people are better at Wii basketball.

- You have watched an unjustifiable amount of "The Golden Girls"... and you've loved every minute.

Thank you for being a friend...
- When you're alone in your car, you get really into those super-low, spoken word, bass parts of Boyz II Men songs.

- You've considered pushing a woman into oncoming traffic for carrying her dog in her purse.

- You cried like a baby when you watched the opening scene of "Up" (the jig is up fellas).

- You don't actually understand how the radio works.

- You hate everyone who uses the term "staycation."

- You are completely mystified by the fact that women stop menstruating when they're in the water.

- You have no fucking idea where Guam is.

No comments:

Post a Comment