Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Lord Jeter, I worship humbly at your feet

According to a recent report by the NY Post, following one-night stands, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter refuses to let his lady-guests leave empty handed. Instead, when they climb into the car he's prearranged to whisk them away before they try staying for breakfast (that's gentlemanly in itself), they're greeted by a gift basket chock full of memorabilia signed by the future Hall of Famer.
Astounding. This man's generosity knows no bounds. Not only has he selflessly refused to be wed just so countless hoards of gorgeous women can continue to enjoy his gentle, yet robust love making, but he's offering them parting gifts as well?
It's undeniable, Derek Jeter is a saint. And yet he asks for nothing in return. But justice must must be served, so if he won't speak up, I will. And I solemnly vow to you here today, that from now until the day I die, I will vehemently argue that not only should he be a first ballot entry into the Baseball Hall of Fame, but that the maiden entry into the (yet to be constructed) Earth Hall of Fame be a bronze bust of Jeter, with three sincere words inscribed below: "Simply the best."
(You guys can't see me right now, but I'm singing "Simply the Best" and weeping openly)

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