World Cup octopus predicts everything but his own death
Tragedy struck the world of soccer, the world of precognition, and the world of deep sea invertebrates simultaneously yesterday. Paul, the man-named octopus oracle who successfully prophesied many of the winners of the 2010 World Cup, passed away in his sleep (I assume next to some sexy cephalopod who he'd bedded thanks to his fame) early Tuesday.
Sadly, the dearly departed Paul was able to see everything that was coming except his own impending demise. That is unless for months he's been lying awake at night, troubled by his visions of the future going dubiously blank on October 26th. In any case, Paul is no more.
We'll miss you buddy. In life, you were captivating, charming and wise. In death, I'm sure you'll be delicious.