Are you the D-Bag at the concert?

Having just spent the last two days at the insanely awesome Epicenter Festival I had the privilege of seeing some of my favorite bands of all time.  Aside from the kick ass music I also got to witness the other thing inherently present at all concerts... douchebags. 
I don't know if it's the venues or the sheer number of people that increase the odds of spotting a giant doucher, but whatever it is, nothing seems to bring them out of the woodwork quite like a music festival.  And after seeing so very, very many, I felt it was my duty to put together a checklist, just so you know that when you don't see the douchebag at the concert... it's probably you.

You're definitely the douchebag.......
5) if you have ever felt the need to chug half of your $10 plastic 16-ouncer of Coors Light, throw the remaining half aimlessly into the crowd and scream "Git 'er done!!!"
4) if you and the five dudes you came with have managed to remain shirtless for the entire 12 hours but never once removed your super-hipster fedoras.
3) if you have a tattoo of the band.  I hope that ayear from now the entire band is outed as child molesters and you have their big fat logo tattooed on the small of your back.
2) if you're the butthole that has my girlfriend's left shoe.
1) if you wear a white patent leather jacket with red-studded, fingerless gloves and literally none of the other bands acknowledge that you're there when they thank all of the bands for being a part of the festival.... I'm looking at you Jared Leto.

(sorry for the cheap shot but this is what happens when you sell out to a friggin' orange soda conglomerate buddy)

P.S. Gotta give props to whoever it was at KROQ 106.7 that decided to name a Los Angeles music festival Epicenter.  That just seems like we're asking for it.  Anyway, see you next year at KROQ's Broken Levees festival in New Orleans.