Saturday, September 18, 2010

Youth of the Nation

Is there anything in the world more amusing than a mosh pit?
I attended a very wholesome hard rock concert last night and realized the answer is an emphatic "no." Because watching fifty kids who are all running neck and neck in the race for most awkward and unathletic virgin in their respective high schools rip their shirts off and plow into one another while their gawky limbs fly about uncontrollably and the odds that they'll have a date for the prom plummet with each pump of their defiant fists is just good, old-fashioned, quality entertainment.
At one point, a young lady who had unwittingly been sucked into the abyss of bizarre teen-rage emerged from the pit with one bare foot and a blank, bewildered look on her face and calmly asked "Have you seen my shoe?"
After scanning the vast seascape of skinny nerd-fury for a moment, I politely pointed her in the direction of a scraggly-haired, bare chested young lad who was presently dancing around a fire that had been ignited on the amphitheater lawn, howling and waving a shoe in the air like he had just used it to bludgeon Piggy from Lord of the Flies.
And people say the youth of America is poisoned...

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