"If 24 and Lost had a baby, it would be The Event."
This is a real tagline being used to genuinely support NBC's brand new Monday night drama. Well, if Jessica Simpson and Sloth from The Goonies had a baby, it would be the mastermind who came up with this promotional blurb. On top of being inundated with moronic taglines, there are these constant commercials that are asking me over and over "What is the Event?" So I've decided rather than wasting valuable years of my life actually watching the show, I'll just venture a few guesses of my own and be done with it.
The Event is...
- The green auto movement hits the skids and the speed of global warming increases exponentially after all of the world's puppies are suddenly compelled to commit lemming-style mass suicide, exclusively by leaping out in front of hybrid vehicles.
- Ke$ha wins the Grammy for album of the year, subsequently all that is good and pure ceases to exist.
- Jim Belushi gets another prime time show.... Wait... What? Are you serious?! Oh shit.
- LeBron James follows his narcissistic 2010 interview "The Decision" with 2011's "The Event," in which he announces his intentions of undergoing drastic reassignment surgery and taking his talents to Madison Square Garden... to play for the New York Liberty.
- Sick of constantly giving, Oprah Winfrey steals Christmas.
There they are. You'd be hard pressed to convince me the writers at NBC came up with anything better. In fact, I'm hoping one of these was their idea and now they have to start from scratch. But if you have any theories of your own, post them in the comment section below!