Monday, November 1, 2010

Eli scores!

Get ready world, because New York Giants quarterback and resident paste eater Eli Manning (pictured here celebrating after scoring a king-size Snickers with this dope Halloween costume) is going to be a daddy!
So to all those haters out there who have continually insisted Eli is a man-child who lacks the necessary intelligence or functional sperm to procreate, it's time to eat some crow.  And since I have always been such a strong supporter of the youngest Manning, I was able to procure his list of the top five things he is most looking forward to about having a baby...

- I'll finally have someone to do macaroni art with!
- My mom won't be able to say "You're the only one around here who cries and poops their pants when they don't get their way" ever again. 
- Riding shotgun in our sweet new wheels!
- I'll have a substitute I can send to the stadium on Sunday when I want to stay home to watch my Captain Caveman DVD's.
- A baby is the perfect scapegoat for when the wife asks me who wrote "Peyton smells" on the living room wall with nail polish.

There you have it folks, Eli Manning is excited, and dare I say ready, to be a dad.  Although he did express one worry;  "What if we have a boy and he comes out wearing a Cowboys helmet?"

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