Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Color me infuriated... and orange

I'm rarely shocked by anything I find on the internet today (though I am one of the few steadfast boycotters of 2 Girls 1 Cup left), but this?  This is beyond horrendous.
As everyone knows, the Mayans (and a shitty John Cusack film) predicted that the world as we know it would come to an end in 2012.  And here's to hoping they're right...

Click here if you want to feel ashamed to be a human.
If you're even a semi-decent person, you are probably feeling strongly compelled to kill yourself for being a member of a species that would let this happen.  But resist that urge, you aren't the ones who should be punished.
Here are a few bullet points from this clip that I hope will garner unimaginably terrible repercussions for every last person involved in its creation:

- "As I've always said, you're never too young too look bangin'."  --- WHAT?! I don't even know how to go about attacking that statement.  Mostly because hearing it just made me have a stroke.
- "She's going to get Snooki-fied." --- This little girl is getting a free Whore-Over.
- "You don't wanna make yourself look too orange, but you wanna look tan at the same time." --- Sound advice.  Clearly Snooki here has found the perfect balance between Spalding basketball and Garfield.
- "Then you have to put on the pink lipstick, because boys love pink..." --- And you're fucking 11.
- "Ready?  Hold your breath... for like a minute." --- That won't be an issue for you, will it Michael Phelps?

I'm done.  If we don't want the world to end in 2012 then we must appease the Gods.  And I know that we can if we manage to get the assholes at ET, Snooki and her Jersey Shore pals, and especially the parents of this little girl, gather them in a public square, and beat them all to death with sacks full of wrenches.
I'm sorry, but it's the only humane thing to do.

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