As everyone knows, the Mayans (and a shitty John Cusack film) predicted that the world as we know it would come to an end in 2012. And here's to hoping they're right...
|Click here if you want to feel ashamed to be a human.|
Here are a few bullet points from this clip that I hope will garner unimaginably terrible repercussions for every last person involved in its creation:
- "As I've always said, you're never too young too look bangin'." --- WHAT?! I don't even know how to go about attacking that statement. Mostly because hearing it just made me have a stroke.
- "She's going to get Snooki-fied." --- This little girl is getting a free Whore-Over.
- "You don't wanna make yourself look too orange, but you wanna look tan at the same time." --- Sound advice. Clearly Snooki here has found the perfect balance between Spalding basketball and Garfield.
- "Then you have to put on the pink lipstick, because boys love pink..." --- And you're fucking 11.
- "Ready? Hold your breath... for like a minute." --- That won't be an issue for you, will it Michael Phelps?
I'm done. If we don't want the world to end in 2012 then we must appease the Gods. And I know that we can if we manage to get the assholes at ET, Snooki and her Jersey Shore pals, and especially the parents of this little girl, gather them in a public square, and beat them all to death with sacks full of wrenches.
I'm sorry, but it's the only humane thing to do.