Friday, March 25, 2011

Drug addict hubris is the worst kind

So this was in front of me at a stop light this morning and I felt obligated to snap the pictures:

This struck me as strange on so many different levels. Now, just to be clear, I'm not making light of how difficult it is to kick an addiction (I know first hand from back in 2006 when my refusal to leave the house in order to repeatedly watch my season two DVD of The Gilmore Girls prevented me from getting a job for an entire year). After all, ridding yourself of something as serious as drug dependence is something to be admired, I'm just not sure it needs to be plastered all over the back of your car.
First of all, addiction is generally known to be a bad thing. It has a negative connotation. As in, no one anywhere is shouting "Woooo addiction!" This sticker is telling us something is terrible when we already know it is. It's as redundant as having Calvin peeing on "Murder" or "The Twilight Film Series."
Secondly, the license plate is just absurd. "IUZ2USE." Really? Bragging about that are we? I'm sure that has done you a world of good in job interviews where the potential employer happens to see you pull in to the lot. And having vanity plates in general is the absolute worst, maybe even worse than doing heroin, so this is a double whammy. Regardless of what they say, all they really do is let the world know that you are paying a yearly douchebag fee to own them. You kicked drugs? Good for you. Now it's time to address your addiction to shitty forms of "self-expression."
And lastly, I get that you're proud of your accomplishment, but you might be a little too proud. Call me crazy, but I doubt that the guy who used to spend 8 hours of his day pleasuring himself and has finally found peace through years of therapy has a sticker of Calvin peeing on the words "Chronic Masturbation" on the back of his Kia Rio.
It's called quiet pride. Try it.

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