Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A lesson in athletic decorum

Late last week when Brigham Young University kicked their second best player off the basketball team, which was at the time the #3 team in nation, it was a huge story. Not because it's that rare for a player to be dismissed from his team for violating school conduct, but because BYU's particular conduct policies were a little more strict than most realized.
Yes, poor Brandon Davies was kicked off the team for, what are the kids calling it these days.... getting his consensual swerve on.
Time to transfer?
Meanwhile, Ben Roethlisberger is readily whipping his dong out whenever he feels like it whilst leading his team on another long playoff run, and Michael Vick is being handed the key to the city when just three short years ago he was electrocuting puppies (Seriously. Electrocuting puppies. That sounds like #2 on a young Charles Manson's "What I did over summer break" show and tell list).
So who's to blame here? Simple. Brandon Davies.
Why Brandon? Why on earth would you voluntarily attend a school that's motto is effectively "Yes means no"? As an elite athlete it is your destiny to take the road more travelled, the one that leads you on the path to complete immunity from the law and/or any constraining societal standards. You are meant to enroll at a school that is more than happy to cover up that measly double murder you "may or may not have played an integral role in" (I hear Miami calling). Or at the very least, a school that admits there's nothing wrong with a little bit of bump 'n grind.
To put it simply, if your goal is to parlay your basketball scholarship into a mandatory religious missionary trip and possibly meeting a few of your future wives (you can look, but don't touch), then by all means, the Stormin' Mormons (that's what they're called right?) is the team for you. If not. Go to a regular school my man. And promptly up your game from consensual sex with your girlfriend to masterminding a child slavery ring. Because hey, you're an athlete, and you earned it.

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