Wednesday, February 23, 2011

How not to get pirated

Not to seem insensitive in the wake of yet another violent ocean hijacking, but ummm... what the hell is wrong with you people?!
I have somehow managed to go my entire life without being pirated, and honestly it's been pretty easy. I also know quite a few boat owners (yes it's true, I'm poor, but vaguely acquainted with the well-off), none of whom have been beaten, nor bloodied, nor pillaged, nor plundered by sea-ruffians. And do you know why that is? It's because when they take a vacation they don't gas up and head for the horn of Africa.
Honestly, it's like flying your plane exclusively over missile testing sites, or driving your Mercedes through Compton with a KKK sticker in the window. It's not prudent, and I'd advise against it.
Maybe don't ignore these buoys...
I don't know if it makes me callous but I just find it hard to feel bad for people who sail their yachts into the pirate capital of the known universe and are subsequently killed by, get ready for a shock... pirates (or a tick-tocking crocodile for that matter). Thanks, but I'll reserve my sympathy for people who lose their lives doing something a bit more noble, like saving a baby from a burning building, or serving their country, or even the guy who gets hit by a bus while delivering Domino's on his bicycle at 2am (and he never makes CNN).
Anyway, until tomorrow, stay safe, and don't go gettin' yourselves pirated.

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