Friday, February 11, 2011

Rise of the Machines

Heed this warning: Facebook is SkyNet. And it will be the end of us all...
Now, before you dismiss this as the lunatic ravings of a madman, let me clear one thing up, I use facebook every day. This is not me hating on facebook. This is simply me seeing it for what it is and trying to warn humanity (It's not like I'm gonna stop using it, how else am I supposed to invite friends to events? Call them? Fat chance).
The first troubling sign that caught my eye was when I realized that any time I used the word facebook on my Google-run blog, it was marked by spellcheck as incorrect. But no, not because Google doesn't recognize facebook as a proper English word, but simply because I wasn't capitalizing it. The word facebook on facebook's logo isn't even capitalized! So why on earth would Google demand that I use a capital F when addressing the almighty facebook? Could it be because they are in cahoots and Google has recognized the eventuality of facebook reigning supreme as our irrepressible overlord? You know what other word you're always supposed to capitalize? God. Coincidence? Hardly seems so.
Now think about a few of the programs the "new facebook" (that's right, I still REFUSE to capitalize it, consider it my John Connor-like act of defiance) wants you to use --

Freind Finder: Ominous much? Let facebook locate people you know. After all, we'll find them eventually.

Auto-Tagger: That's right, facebook is freely admitting it can recognize familiar people in your pictures and mark them. Mark them for what you ask? Elimination.

Get Connected: Who's not on facebook? INVITE THEM NOW. That is, verbatim, what the program requests you do. Sure I added the all-caps for effect but you get the point. The facebook will not rest until all humans are accounted for in its comprehensive database.

Mark my words people, Judgement Day is near. And soon enough, when you and your loved ones are put to work in the oil fields of a nightmarish, real-life Farmville, you'll wish you took my premonition a bit more seriously.
And for those of you who believe, for those of you who are truly listening to this message... you are The Resistance.

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