Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Say it ain't Sumo

Your days of looking admiringly upon the grace and purity of Sumo wrestling are officially over. Why, you ask? Because the fat fix is in.
News surfaced recently that three prominent wrestlers admitted to match fixing, with no telling how many more were involved. The case was cracked when text messages in which fighters pre-arranged the outcomes of their matches surfaced. One such message read as follows:

Tqakje mwe oiut iobn tuhre 2mnd reounfd. LKOPL.
Of course, once that dubious message was deciphered by an expert fat-finger translator, its words rocked the very foundation of the sumo world:
Take me out in the 2nd round. LOL.

Shocking, indeed.
This scandal is only one of several that have tarnished the great Japanese tradition of late, adding fuel to the already burning fire caused by the underwear stuffing fiasco and the illegal weight-gainer ring (executed masterfully with the smuggling of hyper-creatine in booby-folds). Not to mention reopening the wounds of past match-fixing allegations (1990's WWF fans will recall the public outrage at the revelation that the outcome of star Yokozuna's matches were actually predetermined).
As a fan, all I can say is that I am simply disappointed. You hold these men up (not literally, that's just asking for a massive spinal injury) in such high regard, only to be let down over and over again. I for one, am through. I can't deal with any more corruption in what is supposed to be an honorable sport. I have taken the poster of Chiyotaikai down from over my bed, and have offered up my official replica Takohana diaper to the local Salvation Army. 
It is indeed, a sad day in Sumo.

1 comment:

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