Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Listen here if you hate your ears

Finally, Jillian Barberie Reynolds has released her first single! What the hell took so long??
Some of you might remember Jillian from her time as weather girl on the Fox NFL Pregame broadcasts (because they totally needed that), or you might know her from her current gig on Good Day LA. But most of you are probably really confused and have no idea who she is. And there is a good reason for that... she's not that famous.
She refused however, to allow her lack of fame to stop her from doing the most self-indulgent thing a pseudo-celeb can do, unleashing a horrible song upon the world:

Click here for Jillian Barberie Reynolds' New Song
Why?! I honestly don't even know what to say about this. I mean, if you want do this in your basement for kicks then go for it. But for God's sake don't share it with us. We've done nothing to deserve such atrocities.
Just look at the misery-twisted faces of her coanchors as they listen. They are trying so hard to feign enjoyment (which should be easy on the standard morning host wake up cocktail of coffee, cocaine and speed) but they simply can't. This is exactly like when you show your first drawing to your parents and they do their best to force a smile, but on the inside they're crying and wondering if they should have you tested.
And what is it even about?! She just rattles off a bunch of places in LA. It's like the over-privileged white lady remix of California Love. This song actually made me despise myself for living within the city limits.
Thanks a lot Jillian, now I have to move.

Oh and P.S. Name dropping your "homeboy Warren G down in the LBC"... really? I'm sure Mr. G would be spinning in his grave if he knew you dropped that line. Wait... what? Warren G isn't dead? Well what the hell has he been doing??  Because someone here definitely needs to regulate.

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